So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
