Midget sex pt 2 tonight
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
