We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
