as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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