I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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