is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
