You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize