Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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