dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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