My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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