dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
