Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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