I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.