So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.