I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.