girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
