I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
