I feel like I'm in dance class right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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