Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They took my balls.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
