I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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