I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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