Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize