it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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