Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
