end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
