I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
