I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
3pm strippers are depressing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
