He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
