I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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