what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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