I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
