so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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