life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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