Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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