I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
