my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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