I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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