At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
