some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
