He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
