I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
