when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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