He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
