So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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