this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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