yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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