Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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