I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Damn victory sex feels great
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
