Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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