kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
