Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
