awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
