GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
