Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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