Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize