Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
