You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
