I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
