If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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