He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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