walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
