just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
