So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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