the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
