bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
