There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
