Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
