I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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