the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
