guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize