a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
