God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
