I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
